Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I need to align my fucking chakras
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
