I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
