worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
