the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize