we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
