Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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