My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
