i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
