just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
