Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
