Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
