I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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