what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
