Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
