No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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