apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
