you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
