She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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