we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
