Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
