She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
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My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
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So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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