I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
