Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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