you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
