so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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