I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
