So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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