HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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