FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
