I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
