He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
