I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
