i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
