Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
