I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
