Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize