I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
