He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
