If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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