she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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