god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
