Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
