he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
