Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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