just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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