I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
