her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
