I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
