16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
