my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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