Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
In America we eat man semen.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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