I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
