Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
