Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
wanna go halves on a baby?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
