I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
