I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
