This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
