hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
