im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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