watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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