Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
