I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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