took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
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Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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