Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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