So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
