i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
