What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
