I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
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He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
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I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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