All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
