I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
