I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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