HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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