I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
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After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
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I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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