the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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