We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
