if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
