fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
