the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
