Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
