Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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