Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
